Following recent posts on education in Korea and India, we continue our review of college admissions in other lands. News from Moscow caught our attention. In Russia:

“… high school seniors don’t apply to universities, for starters. They apply to individual departments, called faculties, acceptance to which may be vastly easier or more difficult within a single institution. Beyond that, applicant pools can be very different for paying customers (above or below board) and those seeking traditional merit-based admission.”

Changes in Russian education

The country has undergone radical changes from the old Soviet system where merit-based free education was granted to anyone passing entrance exams to college. According to Wikipedia, free higher education is the main reason why more than 20% of Russians age 30–59 hold six-year degrees (this number is twice as high as that of the United States).

Today, with the free market economy, 35% of students pay for their own education in state institutions and 20% are enrolled in private universities.

Cheating on Russian entrance exams

However, as with other aspects of Russian society, not all is rosy. The Guardian newspaper reports that cheating is commonplace and smart kids are hired as “doubles” to sit entrance exams on behalf of others. One boy was arrested in drag attempting to sit an exam for his sister. Staff are often partners in crime:

“An estimated $170m was spent on bribes to enter educational institutions last year. Besides payoffs and the surrogates scam, there is a burgeoning market in coursework and diplomas which can be ordered or bought over the internet.

Teachers’ and lecturers’ average pay - around $160 per month - is so pitiful that they are forced to collude in cheating. “Without adequate subsidies, the education system has become a wild, open market where everybody is fighting to survive,” says Professor Oksana Gaman-Golutvina, a social scientist.”

Whatever the ups and downs of the admissions process, two things are clear. First, as in many European countries, the admissions process is considerably less convoluted than it is in the USA. It also costs a lot less to get a University education. Smart kids (or those they hire to impersonate them) are probably able to get in on merit.

Secondly, whatever they are doing in Russia, they are doing something right. Russian graduates in science and math are among the best in the world. St. Petersburg State University recently beat M.I.T. in an IBM programming contest.

A fascinating report in the Sunday New York Times details life inside an elite Korean prep school where literally dozens of the seniors are accepted to Ivy League colleges each year. As in the American Ivy League. As in Harvard, Princeton and Yale - which host over 100 Korean undergraduates between them. 

 You might not have heard of the Daewon Prep School or the Minjok Leadership Academy, but these two Korean schools are training  Korean kids to gain admission to US Universities by ensuring they get high GPA’s, often perfect SAT or ACT scores and up to a boat-load of AP’s.

How do they do this?

They do it the old-fashioned way. They work at it. These kids are in school a full month longer than any American high school. And they study for 15 hours a day. An American tutor who teaches writing marvels:

“Even my worst students are great . . . They’re professionals; if I teach them, they’ll learn it. I get e-mails at 2 a.m. I’ll respond and go to bed. When I get up, I’ll find a follow-up question mailed at 5 a.m.”

The lesson for American high school students aiming for a place at a selective college is that, as has been noted, the world is flat. Meaning that not only can they look at colleges outside the US for a quality education at a lower price, but the best and brightest from around the world look to the US for their education. They are competing in a shrinking world.

It also means that their roommate might prefer kimchee to ketchup and they’ll be exposed to different cultures as an undergraduate which will better prepare them for life after college. ‘Cos  four years from now, they’ll not be competing for college places, they’ll be competing for jobs.

Thanks to CK at the 3GenFamily blog for a very nice review of our tips booklet.

CK writes her blog about what is involved in dealing with teenagers AND aging parents. Her personal stories bring home the very real challenges as well as the rewards of being part of  a three generational family. She combines these stories with some very well researched facts on dealing with everything from college admissions to macular degeneration. Well worth a read.

It’s our turn to host the weekly Carnival of College Admissions started by Brian at Accepted to College.

This week’s Carnival is light on entries because the carnival ‘engine’ was out for the last couple of days. Hopefully, by the time you read this, it will be back up and you can submit entries for next week using this form.

Before the submittal form went down there were a few entries.

Tony Howell at Pimp Your Grades specializes in study tips. He presents a practical system for memorization in his post Students: Use the Link Memory System to Memorize Anything. This system promises “you’ll be able to memorize anything in half the time it takes you now, and retain it for as long as you want.” The technique sounds fun and promises to help students raise their test scores. Check it out!

David Cassell at selectcourses.com asks what education today is all about - is it good preparation for the practical world? In a fascinating posting Wax On…Wax Off he draws parallels between the way a master prepares a student in the world of martial arts and how education works.

College admissions affects more than students, families and schools. The enrollment in a region’s higher education system can affect Real Estate values. Over in Florida, Realtor Joe Manausa at the Tallahassee Real Estate Blog discusses the financial impact of the Florida College Enrollment - Does “Prepaid” Matter? With 70,000 students in Tallahassee area colleges any drop in enrollment affects the local economy. Joe calls for the local community to debate the impact of the rise in demand for college places and how colleges are honoring the prepaid savings plan over 1 million State residents are enrolled in.

Continuing the financial theme, Ray writes in his Money Blue Book Finance Blog about the issue of Student Credit Cards and Credit Responsibility. He gives general guidelines for parents on how best to help students manage credit cards as well as listing some ’student-friendly’ cards to check out.

Last week’s Carnival host, Mark, at Great College Advice has a very well researched article on Visiting College Campuses: Observations by Professional Tour-Taker. He braved the weather in Minnesota (OK, it’s not as bad in April as mid-January!) and visited 5 colleges in the Land of 10,000 Lakes. He’s got some very practical advice for students and parents on the do’s and don’ts to make the most of a college tour. He concludes “Don’t be a passive recipient of the college’s party line. Investigate! Inquire!”

Finally, our own blog has the guest posting from Dr. Elayne Savage on A Psychologists advice for the parents of college applicants. She identifies the stress that parents living vicariously through their son’s or daughter’s achievements can cause in the already over-stressed world of college admissions.

We hope you’ve enjoyed this edition of the Carnival of College Admissions. Once again, if the Carnival site is back up and running, submit your articles for next week’s event here.

Step Into College is honored to present this guest posting by one of America’s best-known authorities on dealing with rejection. We recently quoted her comments on dealing with rejection letters. In this guest posting she offers concrete tips on dealing with the thin envelopes. She also explores the family dynamics that can cause parents to live vicariously through their students college careers and what this undue pressure can do a son or daughter.

Dr. Elayne Savage, The Queen of Rejection™, is a skillful communication coach and internationally respected expert on taking things personally and the fear of rejection. Elayne has over twenty-five years in coaching, consulting, and clinical experience. She holds a Ph.D. in Family Psychology. A professional member of the National Speakers Association, she is a sought-after workshop leader, trainer, and consultant for a broad range of clients. She also teaches graduate level students. An expert on criticism and rejection, cultural diversity, and work and family relationships. Elayne educates, inspires and challenges audiences.

Rejection letters - who is more disappointed, the student or the family? by Elayne Savage, PhD

Your First Rejection Letter Most Likely Won’t Be Your Last

Rejection letters are a fact of life. They are not only from college admission offices. You’ll probably have to deal with rejection letters more than once in your life. Maybe from a job application, from a boss turning down your pay raise request, from the decision maker about a project you’ve proposed, or even from a gallery, editor or casting director. I was recently quoted in a Forbes.com piece on handling college rejection letters. This is very timely. This is the month college acceptance or rejection letters go out. This is the time when everyone in the household is waiting and hoping for the arrival of a fat envelope from the longed for college. You know. Fat. Fat enough to contain all the forms to fill out that come with news of an acceptance.

But what if a thin envelope shows up in the mailbox instead? Thin enough to contain that one page rejection form letter. How does the applicant deal with the disappointment? How do other family members react?

And for that matter, who is more disappointed, the student or the family?

The Forbes reporter and I discussed struggles parents and students have during the application process. We talked about ways the rejected teen can handle the situation. We also talked about the parents’ tendency to become overly invested in the outcome.

Putting on the Pressure

If parents have their hearts set on a certain college for their child, they may put on the pressure. That particular school may not be the right fit at all for the student. Yet the parent pushes for it. And pushes and pushes. What if the student feels pushed beyond their comfortable limits? What if they are unable or afraid to say “no?” This is when continued pressure can feel coercive. Why does this pushing occur? Some parents don’t know how to separate their own needs from those of their children. Sometimes parents get confused about what is best for their kids. Instead, it becomes about what is best for the parent.

Confusing Boundary Confusion

For the sake of definition, let’s call this type of confusion: confusion of personal boundaries.

The parents’ needs overshadow the child’s needs. The student loses his or her sense of identity by trying so hard to please parents, not wanting to let them down. The student might feel like a non-person with no needs. Feeling like a non-person is a bit like feeling invisible. Like you don’t count. Feeling discounted equals feeling rejected.

There are lots of situations where parents’ boundary confusion occurs. The “hit-a-home-run-for-me” parent makes the softball game about him or herself. Their child’s home run is their home run. The stage-mom mom (or dad) takes on their child’s stage triumph as their own. And they take it personally if their offspring flubs a line or misses a cue.

Confused Vicarious Parents

Parents of college applicants get caught up in this mushy boundary web as well. Their child’s acceptance becomes their acceptance. A rejection is experienced as if it were the parent’s own rejection.

Again, for the sake of definition let’s call this type of parent: ‘vicarious parent.’ And for the sake of being fair, parents are usually not aware of the vicarious nature of their interactions with their children.

American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language defines ‘vicarious’ as: Felt or undergone as if one were taking part in the experience or feelings of another

Dictionary.com Unabridged says: Performed, exercised, received, or suffered in place of another

Parents who tend to live vicariously through their children are usually a bit unclear about where they stop and their child begins. They encourage their children to achieve in a way that meets the parent’s own unmet goals. And the goal is sometimes not realistic for the child at all. Instead it’s the parents’ unfulfilled dreams that they urge their child to carry out.

These kinds of dreams often propel parents to follow their own agendas, without regard for the best interest of the child. It’s often about the ‘performer’ the parent had hopes of becoming: on the playing field, on the stage, in school.

When you get right down to it, the child might feel dismissed, disregarded or even discarded. Each of these feels like a rejection. And they are.

Here’s how I describe vicarious parenting in Don’t Take It Personally! The Art of Dealing with Rejection.

These parents see their children’s performance in life as a reflection of their own competence. If the children do well, the parents feel like good parents, successful parents. If the children fall below expectations, the parents feel inadequate and shamed. Then the children are often made to feel inadequate and shamed. The children may lose their sense of self, trading ’self’ for service to the parents. It’s the on the stage part that I’m most familiar with. My mother wanted me to be the star she never became. From the time I was very young, she pushed me into the spotlight. Sometimes I didn’t want to go. But I didn’t dare say no.

Elayne Meets ‘The Saint’

My mother’s first big push to make me a star was when I was 6 years old. I remember it was my birthday party. My friends and I were eating ice cream and cake when the phone rang. It was for me.

A man from the Washington Post asked to speak to me. “Congratulations little girl. Your poem just won our big contest for the new comic strip, “The Saint. Your prize is to read it on the radio.”

I was very confused. I didn’t know what he was talking about. I didn’t know anything about a contest. I didn’t write any poem.

But my mother knew all about it. She wrote the poem. Making it sound as if six year old might write it. And she didn’t tell me. She just sent it to the newspaper.

How was I going to read the poem on the radio? I couldn’t read very well. Her answer was to make me memorize it. Every night after dinner I stood in front of my mother practicing the poem. She’s say each line and I’d repeat after her. Again. And again.

I’ll never forget the poem I didn’t write:

I like to read the Post each day
To see what The Saint has to say.
His deeds and actions thrill me most,
That’s why I like to read the Post.

The words were drilled into my head. Day after day.

There was some very serious drilling during the long streetcar ride across town to the radio station.At the studio all the gleaming microphones overwhelmed me. The booming voice of the show host made me nervous. I stood in front of the microphone, feeling like a fraud, pretending I wrote the poem. And scared to death.The time arrived to say my poem. I messed up. I forgot the words.My parents were embarrassed. No, that really doesn’t describe it. They were mortified. All their friends and relatives had tuned in to the station that afternoon. And their ‘big star’ daughter messed up and let them down big time.

Letting Parents Down

Over the years this same scenario replayed following dance recitals and plays. They would be especially upset with me when their friends or relatives were in the audience. Each time I’d see that disappointed look on my mother’s face. Each time I felt like I could never be good enough. Each time I felt let her down.

And that brings us back to the college rejection situation. When that too-thin envelope shows up in the mail, students sometimes feel that they have let their parents down.

So many people are waiting to see what the college admissions office decides. The student, the parents, the school counselor, relatives, friends. It isn’t just the applicant’s disappointment. It’s shouldering the expectations and disappointments of what must feel like the whole world.

Waiting for a decision from colleges brings on another family situation. How do they deal with anxiety? Everyone has anxiety while waiting, but here boundary confusion again enters in. During stressful situations anxious feelings can get passed around from person to person.

For example, the parent might be experiencing memories of past rejections or disappointments. As the tension builds the teen may be absorbing their parent’s fears and anxiety.

This situation is similar to the exchange of anxiety that occurs in some families on the first day of preschool or kindergarten. The child’s own nervousness increases as it becomes a reflection of the parent’s anxieties.

For example let’s say that the parent is re-experiencing their own difficult “first day” at school. And the child picks up the tension. When this happens, they are not just dealing with their own worries but with their parent’s worries as well.

Tips for Dealing with Rejection Letters

• Remind yourself it’s not personal. Colleges (or potential employers, or meeting planners or galleries) are looking for a fit. It’s something like auditioning for a play you long to be cast in. And even thought you know you are talented and terrific, you don’t get the role. An actor I know reminds herself that not getting a part is no reflection on her talent. She has a placard on her office wall that reminds her: ‘It’s selection, not rejection.’
• Both parents and teens would do well to try to try to keep personal boundaries straight. To understand what feelings belong to whom. What goals belong to who. And what disappointments belong to whom. Passing feelings and anxiety around the family only adds another layer of tension to the situation.
• Labeling and expressing feelings of rejection and disappointment helps you to deal with the loss. And it IS a loss.
• Try hard to see that there is a future after rejection. Remind yourself that making good grades and transferring is always possible. If your choice of career needs graduate school, remind yourself that the graduate school attended makes undergraduate college have less far less importance.

As we mentioned recently, the weekly Carnival of College Admissions will be hosted here next Wednesday.

A blog carnival is similar to a magazine, dedicated to a particular topic, published on a regular schedule. Each edition of a blog carnival is a compilation of blog articles. Each carnival gathers 9-10 blog entries on College Admissions as a cooperative effort and summarizes them in one location. It’s a handy-dandy way to see what’s hot in the blogosphere right now.

The 4th edition of the Carnival was hosted by Mark at Great College Advice.

There was a whole raft of interesting entries including articles on legacy admissions, special education students and online math and science courses. We had our last posting on college admissions in India included in the Carnival.

We’d love to see all the bloggers who’ve posted something over the last four weeks send in new material before Wednesday. It’ll be fascinating to read the latest and greatest in the world of college admissions. To submit an article use this form.

College life outside the United States can be very different. As the cost of higher education in the States mounts, increasing numbers of high school students are looking at an overseas education as an option. Canada, Australia, New Zealand and the UK are all popular, cost-effective choices for students who don’t mind living far away from home.

But applying to college in other countries is nothing like applying to college in the USA. There are huge differences in the education systems of other countries. How different? Consider India…

College admissions in India

Because of the country’s huge population, young Indians experience intense competition to gain admittance to University. For example, the prestigious Indian Institutes of Technology (think MIT) admit 5,500 students each year to seven campus’s out of an applicant pool of…600,000! Those students with the highest scores in the entrance exam are admitted. Once admitted, the cost of tuition and accommodation is around $1,200 a year.

To help ease the stress for college applicants and provide access to information, one of India’s biggest telephone companies, Reliance Communications has launched an educational portal on mobile phones, offering services such as exam results, a calendar of exams, admission deadlines, mock tests etc. It’s reported that subscribers will also be able to see listings of top universities and career options on their cell phones.

The service will cost one rupee (under 2 cents) per minute and shows how, in countries where the cost of a PC and the internet is still beyond the reach of millions, critical services can be provided at a low cost over cell phones. It’s a great example of how everything is becoming an electronic service.

It’s a great idea to spend time visiting the college or colleges that you are interested in. College visits can take place anytime during your time in high school. Most common is to visit sometime in your Junior Year. You’ll need to have narrowed down the choice - at least by geography if not by other factors (cost, public/private, size and so on).

If you do decide to visit a college for the first time it can be an intimidating experience. When Sandra drove our daughter around Maine, Massachusetts and New York two years ago (how time flies!) just finding their way around the roads of New England was a major challenge (hint: insist on a navigation system in the rental car).

Colleges will make you feel welcome and most have a standard tour you can take and the Admissions Office are there to help answer your questions. Most students who are traveling to visit colleges will make the trip with Mom or Dad. But there’s still the fear of the unknown - what to expect? What’s it like to actually make a trip to visit a number of colleges in a short period of time?

One enterprising Junior who visited a large number of East Coast colleges earlier this month is the self-described “budding fashionista” who blogs under the name Miss Courturable.

Her diary of the trip she made with her Dad starts on March 30 with a detailed description of a day spent visiting the University of Pennsylvania and Swarthmore College. The trip ended on April 6th at Wellesley College (Hillary Clinton’s alma mater). In between she checks out Vassar, Yale, NYU, Barnard, Columbia and Princeton. Plus, while in New York, she meets with the editors at Seventeen magazine where she’s interning this summer. Phew! That’s quite a schedule of visits. What’s amazing is that she found time to write a blog diary about her trip, complete with photos of each college.

This is a compelling first-person account of the rewards and challenges of visiting colleges. Along the way she reports on the tension between her preferences and her Dad’s agenda; how she sprained her ankle on the steps of Princeton and why she was surprised by her reaction to all-womens colleges.

If you have not yet made your first visit to college and want to know what it feels like (albeit from the perspective of a budding super-woman) you can do worse than check out Miss Couturable’s delightful account.

Thanks to Brian over at Accepted to College who has run a ‘Blog Carnival’ on the topic of admissions for the past three weeks.

A blog carnival is similar to a magazine, dedicated to a particular topic, published on a regular schedule. Each edition of a blog carnival is a compilation of blog articles. Brian kicked off the the College Admissions Carnival back on March 18th and has run three editions to date. Each carnival gathers 9-10 blog entries on College Admissions as a cooperative effort and summarizes them in one location. It’s a handy-dandy way to see what’s hot in the blogosphere right now.

The First Edition featured articles on getting into college with poor grades; SAT test taking tips and how to get into college without a high school diploma.

The Second Edition saw a number of well-known names in the College Admissions field submit articles. These included Peter Van Buskirk, author of Winning the College Admissions Game. We are honored that our own blog entry on the Mom who quit her job to help with the college admissions process was included.

The Third Edition came out earlier this week. Brian has asked for volunteers to host the Carnival in future weeks. We’ll be helping out in two weeks time. Next week Mark Montgomery at Great College Advice will host the articles. To submit an article use this form.

Following our blog posting last week advising on ways to deal with ’skinny envelop’ rejection, we were pleased to see that CK at the 3genfamily blog has some pertinent observations on how parents can help a son or daughter rejected by a college.

Platitudes such as “don’t worry” will fall flat, instead try creative strategies:

Banish all blame from the conversation. If you hear your high schooler mutter, “If only I . . .” stop them from saying anything more. No amount of anguished blame will change the results. It may be trite saying, but it is true nonetheless - “when one door closes, another one opens.”

Help your student look for the door that’s opening. Talk about the positive features of the colleges that accepted your student. What is unique? Which has the most classes and activities that fit your teen’s goals and interests?

CK also advises the student learn about negotiating admission for another time in the year; look into wait-list options and, finally, think about starting at a college which has accepted you and then transferring later.

CK’s blog covers a wide range of ‘three generation family’ topics from dealing with aging parents to helping kids who are applying to college. Check it out.