The laws of statistics mean that this is time of year when many high school seniors must learn to deal with rejection. Selective colleges, as is well known, are rejecting more applicants each year. 2008 has been called the “perfect storm”. The lucky few get the fat envelope right away, most deal with at least a few skinny envelopes.

So what can parents do to help students deal with rejection?

Forbes has a useful article which helps families keep things in perspective. They quote National Speakers Association expert Elayne Savage who says:

Feelings of isolation and despair are typical accompaniments to rejection, according to Elayne Savage, a communication coach and author of Don’t Take it Personally: The Art of Dealing with Rejection. Parents should encourage their children to hash out complex emotions in conversations with other adults or capture them in words in a journal or blog–and they should be careful not to intensify those emotions by projecting their own disappointment onto their children.“It’s going to feel like they are the only person going through it,” Savage says. “In families, anxious feelings can get passed around from person to person. So, if the parent is reliving past disappointments and rejections, and as tension builds, the teen may be picking up, absorbing, the parent’s fears.”
 

The article includes a list of eight useful tips on dealing with rejection from a variety of top experts:

1. Put your rejection into context.
2. Parents should emphasize finding the right “fit”–even if it means applying to transfer.
3. Rejection has biological impact that takes time to subside.
4. Talk or write about your feelings of rejection.
5. Don’t take it personally.
6. Take steps to remove yourself from the waiting list.
7. Focus on the schools that did accept you. Consider graduate work at those that didn’t.
8. Get into problem-solving mode.

Each tip has a paragraph of suggestions on the best next steps to take when the skinny envelope falls out of the mailbox.  Timely advice.